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Looking Like a Beached Whale in Pictures: Soul Crushing
2 Weeks of Ass Whipping at Runyon: Muscle Crushing
2 Weeks of Dieting: Stomach Crushing
Getting on the Scale and Seeing You Lost No Weight: Resolve Crushing
Realizing Your Scale is Broken and You've Really Lost 10 Pounds: Priceless

Hi, I'm Alive

Hooray! It's always a pleasure to wake up to another day. I was wondering if that was even going to be possible, seeing as I had to (somewhat) willingly give up every delicious treat and indulgence and form of sustenance that I've spent the last 23 years cramming down my gullet, but so far, so good. 

It doesn't really help that wheat is in about 90% of products, though, and that soy is in about 99% of products, so finding that 1% without either ingredient has become somewhat of a challenge. I've turned it into a game that's called Find The Edible Food! although it could also be called We're Gonna Spent $200 for 5 Items at Trader Joe's Because The Healthy Fancy Food Costs an Arm and a Leg. I think it's rather catchy, at the least. 

At the moment I've been eating mostly salmon on an array of things: salads, spinach, rice, etc. and a lot of turkey, seeing as my family goes turkey crazy around Thanksgiving and cooks them for weeks afterwards. And I realized that there's an amazing invention called Rice Milk, which means I can eat my (gluten and soy free) cereal in the morning! That was really bumming me out, seeing as both regular milk and soy milk are out of the question, so hooray for minor victories. And, really, the gluten free rice puffs taste (and crackle!) just like Rice Crispies, so at least I can enjoy being 5 years old again in the mornings. 

We'll see how it goes after the initial intrigue wears off.

You Can't Spell "Diet" Without "Die"

So I've tried many a bizarre diet in my day, but never because I needed to diet; sure there were points where I thought I could stand to lose a few pounds, so I cut back on all the crap I usually eat and tried to focus on a healthier regime, but I always fell off the wagon and went back to stuffing my face full of candy bars and fast food dinners. It'd be horrifying if it wasn't so delicious. 

But in my quest to get my ovaries to stop being little bitches and let me get on with my life, my doctor and mother and I discussed starting a real diet - nay, a complete lifestyle change - cutting out certain foods that apparently are comparable to poison for me. And since it's EVERYTHING I eat, I've been poisoning myself for some time now. Take a look at my list of What Not to Eat:

- Wheat (or What Chelsea Survives Off Of) : this includes breads, cakes and pasta products, all based on wheat

- Red Meat (bye, steak)

- Refined and Concentrated Carbohydrates: bread, flour, cakes made from refined flour

- Alcohol (sorry, if I have to cut out everything I eat, you better believe I'm keeping my alcohol)

- Caffeine (this will be the death of me)

- Chocolate (this just keeps getting worse and worse, doesn't it?)

- Dairy: including all milk and cheese

- Fried Foods: including margarine and hydronated fats

- Soy and Soy Protein Products (although I can have tamari, whatever that is, in small amounts)

- Tinned and Frozen Packaged Goods

- Additives and Preservatives

Okay so... every day I would drink 2-3 caffeinated coffees with soy milk, and then I usually drank 4-7 Coke Zeros (which is disgusting, I know), I started my mornings off with wheat cereal and milk (or a wheat bagel if I was working in the morning), I ate wheat all throughout the day, I ate chocolate like it was going out of style, and so on and so forth. So pretty much EVERYTHING I ate was everything I SHOULDN'T be eating. 

Most of the foods promote inflammation and boost estrogen levels, and even though I happen to be female, with the endometriosis, I'm supposed to have as little estrogen in my body as humanly possible. (Sometimes I really wonder how I wasn't born a male.) So as of yesterday, I embarked on my brand new Lifestyle, and... it's going to take some time getting used to. I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but EVERYTHING in the goddamn grocery store has wheat and/or soy (in copious quantities) and unless I want to live solely off chicken, fish, beans and vegetables, I'm going to have to either get better at finding endo-friendly foods, or do all of my shopping at Trader Joe's. Thank god they finally have one on the South Shore.