The Real World is Following Me

Apparently I live in really cool neighborhoods, cause The Real World: Hollywood house was like 3 blocks from my apartment in LA, and the new Real World: DC house is like 3 blocks from my apartment in DC. Interesting. Now if only they'd been filming when I lived there so I could've made a huge ass of myself on national television!

WHA WHERE??

Ben Barnes is filming in Boston RIGHT NOW? WHERE IS HE?

Why Is Pop Culture Dying??

First Ed McMahon, then Farrah, then MJ, now Billy Mays?? Who's going to yell at me from my tv screen and convince me to buy things like the wonder that is OxiClean? Especially with the Shamwow "The Germans make everything better!" Guy in shambles? WHERE IS THE HUMANITY??

Goodnight, sweet prince. May you rest in infommercial peace.

Holy Shit

Farrah Fawcett died :(

Eye See You

So normal vision is 20/20 - that's what your optometrist, if you should need one, will work to get your vision to if you need glasses or contacts. Low vision is anywhere from the 20/60 to 20/400 range (where a -4.00 stands for 20/400 vision) - legally blind (but able to be corrected to 20/20) vision is 20/800.

My mother always had the most notoriously bad eyes in the family; it's a well known fact that without her glasses or contacts, she'll trip over things and walk into doors and such. Her vision is 20/500, or -5.00. My father always said he really hoped my eyes never got that bad.

My eyes as of today?

20/700. That's a -7.00.

I think it's time for lasik.

BRB, switching to my new keyboard:

Noah's Arc

So if this is the weather forecast for the next ten days:


Is this what we'll need on the eleventh day?:

By the way - and I was very surprised to discover this - the first four or so pages under Google's Image Search for "Noah's Arc" doesn't cough up a plethora of pictures of the actual arc (and why are there no awesome pictures of the arc riding the waves?) but instead proudly displays a movie called Noah's Arc:


After careful consideration of the pictures, I think this outcome - rather than an arc with a bunch of wreaking wet animals - is clearly preferred:

For the Ladies

Microgestin: All Over Weight Gain
Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo: Boob Weight Gain

Score!

The Best Music Video in the History of Time

Behold the wonder that is the literal music video rendition of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" - I almost pissed myself I was laughing so hard.

Mullet with Headlights!

The Breakfast of Champions

People Who Fucking Love Cheerios:

- Babies
- My Dog
- Me

And just like toddlers and my dog, I eat them dry, out of a bowl, with my fingers. Not that my dog has fingers, but you get the point.

For Everything Else, There's MasterCard

Looking Like a Beached Whale in Pictures: Soul Crushing
2 Weeks of Ass Whipping at Runyon: Muscle Crushing
2 Weeks of Dieting: Stomach Crushing
Getting on the Scale and Seeing You Lost No Weight: Resolve Crushing
Realizing Your Scale is Broken and You've Really Lost 10 Pounds: Priceless