Monster!

There's something that I'm not allowed to have, so I like to sneak it when no one's looking, or I'm alone, or I'm 3,000 miles across the country. And that something is an energy drink. Particularly Monster Lo-Carb Energy Drinks.

I went through this... phase, where I was drinking 2-3 of them a day, and it wasn't pretty. I ended up being so jittery that people thought I was on speed, and I lost about 10 pounds (which, for me, means I ended up looking like a starving third world adolescent) and I'm pretty sure my heart started skipping beats, but I was so out of my mind with energy at the time that I can't be 100% certain. 

Also, I was really, really annoying.

So my friends stepped in and told me that, under no circumstance, was I ever allowed anywhere near Monster Lo-Carb energy drinks again - on risk of imminent death. But I love them so much because they do give me a whallop of energy, and for someone that has as high of a caffeine tolerance as I do, it's sort of like Christmas morning every time I hear the crisp sound of the tab opening the can. I suppose I'm like an alcoholic, only with heart palpitations, rather than liver damage. Hmm. 

I've been trying to cut down on my caffeine intake, as I was back up to 2-3 coffees a day, as well as 4-7 Coke Zeros a day (yay, Aspartame poisoning) but today it was like I went into a trance; I was coming out of the Subway with dinner, and the next thing I knew, I had a Monster in one hand, and a receipt in the other, because I'm that asshole that pays for a $2 purchase with a debit card. Or I assume I am, seeing as I had some sort of energy drink blackout. 

Sometimes I wonder why I do the things I do, especially knowing that my friends would be pointing out that I promised I wouldn't do said activity anymore, and don't I remember what happened the last time I had 3 energy drinks within an hour of each other, and why do I persist in being such a pain in the ass? But now that no one's here to lecture me or point out that I'm breaking a rule, it's like I'm 5 years old again, greedily sucking down my sugary prize and gloating about how no one can stop me. It's probably a good thing I didn't buy more, because I'd probably binge on them, just because I could, and then end up dying, surrounded by a pile of empty Monster cans, officially becoming the saddest person on the planet. Or the former saddest person on the planet.