I'm not sure if it's because we're Jewish (although I'd assume that's the stem of it - you can take the Jew out of the Promised Land, but you can't take the cheapskate out of the Jew) but my family has this overwhelming urge to buy everything - especially in bulk - that we assume we'll need at some point in our lives. My mother isn't as bad, but my grandfather and I could've outfitted a thousand fall-out shelters, just in case of some kind of nuclear war or zombie uprising or what-have-you.
My grandfather's house had a massive closet (which probably could've fit a twin size bed and a dresser, considering there were like 4 armoires in it to begin with) on the second floor, and we used to call it the Toilet Paper Room; which, of course, it was dubbed due to the fact that he had enough toilet paper stored in there to last through the end of times, and probably them some after that. Whenever toilet paper went so much as one cent on sale, my grandfather bought every available package and whisked it home, arranging it lovingly in piles and gloating to himself about how he'd never run out of toilet paper, unlike that nosy sonofa Morty down on K Street. He did the same thing with tissue paper. And towels. And sweaters. And shoes. And furniture. And so on, and so forth. After he passed away, my mother found four tuxedoes in his closet. Four. I don't even know anyone that owns one tuxedo, let alone four. I guess he wanted extras in hand, just in case he ruined one at the Oscars and needed another in a quick fix for a marriage.
Unsurprisingly, I've inherited the Thrifty Gene (to put it nicely) and while I luckily don't have the money to spend it at whim, I still find myself pressed against the tv screen, nose touching the glass, nearly salivating over the money-saving, space-saving, sanity-saving wonder products that are constantly splashed over us. Just today I almost buckled and bought some WonderHangers, because let's face it, don't we all need more room in our closets? I know I do.
And just look at the deals! All of those Wonder Hangers, plus four Bend A Hangers, and two... Ultra Bright Lights. Whatever those are. But all of that, for the price of just the Wonder Hangers! (Never mind the fact that the entire deal costs only that $9, not anywhere near $50, and they just word it so you think you're getting a deal, but man is it tempting, even when you know you're being suckered.) I imagined all of the amazing things I could do with more space in my closet. Like hanging more clothes!
But what I've really been hankering over lately has been the amazing ShamWow, which is just too incredible to pass up on. Seriously, who doesn't want a.... towel? that can wash your car, your body, your dog, your sidewalk, your trash, your lawn, your Old Ironsides, and then some? And can do it all without being rinsed off once! I want to stock up on them just in case of any industrial sized spills. Just to be at the ready.
And, that ridiculous actor aside ("...it's German, and you always know the Germans make good products!" Well, I guess I'll give them Volkswagens and genocide) the demonstrations and pictures are just too tempting. I mean, they show the ShamWow picking up wine! Red wine, for god's sake! And they're drying off a dog, and everyone knows you can't resist a cute dog in an ad - it's a guaranteed hook, line, and sinker. 
And, seriously, as I write this, I've watched an ad for Snuggies, and an ad for the Point 'n Paint, and I want them both. I could totally paint my ceiling with this, and I could do it all bundled up in my Snuggie, because it's a blanket. With arms. Brilliant.
No comments:
Post a Comment