You Know You Love Me

I have a lot of embarrassing guilty pleasures, but at the moment I'm harboring one that I swore I would never, ever take part in. Kind of like Ugg boots, Supernatural and wearing leggings, but as we all know, now I practically live in Ugg boots and leggings (and often at the same time!) and now I watch Supernatural religiously, so maybe this shouldn't be as big of a surprise as it's going to be. 

Anyway, it all began back in... I have no idea exactly when, but it was sometime in 2008 I believe. That was when I was living in DC, and spending every day at Kristyn and Becca's because I'm incapable of spending long periods of time on my own. We had a Wednesday night ritual of ANTM and Project Runway, and since they were on at 8 and 10 respectively, we had a gap at 9pm that needed to be filled. Enter, Gossip Girl. 

This was not what my group of friends in high school looked like

It seemed like a good idea at the time; it was a show with a lot of pretty people, lots of dramatic plots and insanity, lots of fashion and new trends, and, best of all, lots and lots and lots of money. A recipe for success! But then we watched the first episode, and I zoned out after 10 minutes, and afterwards we all discussed just how awful the acting was, and the fact that none of us could remember what had happened, and maybe we'd just stick to stuffing our faces from 9-10pm and not watch anything on tv.

But then, like most bad habits, GG began slowly clawing it's way back into my life. First it was the fashion, the undeniably amazing fashion. Pictures were popping up in every tabloid, and even in some newspapers, and my god the clothes! The clothes! The accessories! The shoes! It was mayhem. I've come a long way with my own sense of fashion, and GG appeals to me in two main ways now: 

1) They have some gorgeous, timeless outfits, and

2) They have some of the best ugly-chic ensembles I've ever seen

My god, the ugliness is beautiful

For those of you that aren't aware, I love ugly-chic. The more questionable, the better. There's something amazing about it, especially if it's overly garish or faux fur lined. Delicious! (But not Bedazzled - I have my limits.) So GG started growing on me.  And then there were the boys, because Chace Crawford, gay or not (have we ever figured this out?) is delicious looking, and I want all of them. Even Chuck Bass and his rapist voice. "I'm Chuck Bass." Yes you are, now take me to bed.

So I started watching an episode here and there, and wondering what was going on, and if there was anyway to go back in time, leave Hull High, and go off to a posh private school in the Upper West Side. Totally plausible. Anyway, I got the first season on DVD for Christmas, and I've been in a fashion/drama/boy coma ever since. And it's embarrassing because I'm old now, but oh well. I accept myself.

Although my friend Becca doesn't, per a conversation we're currently in the middle of:

Becca: you are very talented

Chelsea: i do have some mad skills

Chelsea: although right now im wasting them writing a blog entry about gossip girl

Chelsea: which i can't stop watching

Becca: i thought you had more taste than that

Now, all of that aside, I have a real point to make here, and it all centers around the Serena-Blair Drama. Or, shall I say, the issue of Frenemies. 

I know, I know, it's such a retarded word, but there's a reason it's become a part of our everyday vocabulary (like MILF, which  I had to explain to my father the other day.) There's something about girls that just fosters the entire concept of frenemies; we're jealous, we're insane, we're prone to syncing cycles and menstruating at the same damn time, and so on. And we love love love competition and drama and the spotlight, no matter how much we might claim otherwise. Therefore it makes sense that a lot of girls will bounce back and forth between being friends and enemies, and often have no idea where they stand with one another at any given time. Or where they even want to stand with each other.

A larger portion of my past than I'd care to admit has been full of the drama of frenemies, and being back home - really being back home for the first time in over 5 years - tends to bring that mindset back. I find myself being more skittish and hesistant than normal, never really knowing where I stand with people. I think I've discovered a lot about myself since I was in high school, and while I know how I feel about the past, I'm never sure how other people feel, and where I stand with them. 

Anyway, Serena and Blair's friendship reminds me a lot of one that took up most of my time and effort through high school and most of college, so watching it sometimes seems a little surreal. Well, sure, we didn't have thousands upon thousands upon thousands of dollars to waste on our wardrobe, and mommy and daddy never had drivers in limos taking us to school, and I don't think I ever wandered down to The Plaza Hotel on my lunch break to swill a few martinis, but the basic points are still the same. It's the same struggles, the same issues, the same jealousy and uncertainty and confusion and all of that good stuff. 

I have no idea where I'm going with this post, other than to point out some similarities between my life and Gossip Girl. Minus all the money. I really can't stress that enough. Can I have some please? I guess it's just that watching the show, and watching it from the point of view of all parties involved, it just makes me think of some of the events that have happened in my life, and some of the things I've done (and, in turn, had done to me.) A lot of it never made sense at the time, and some of it still doesn't - and probably never will - but it's interesting. Makes you think of the What Ifs or the If I Knew or the I Should've and so on. Sure, we can't change the past, but as I'm often reminded, we also can't stop dwelling on it. 

xoxo