How Do I Make A Pussy Joke With A Dog Instead Of A Cat?

So Paris Hilton is modeling for Guess' Spring/Summer 09 Collection, because apparently Guess really wants to go bankrupt and fold during these trying times. I couldn't think of a less appealing line of ads, unless of course she was naked in the them.


First of all, she looks like a drag queen. And, nothing against drag queens, but whatever it is she's attempting to do with her face (look sexy? seductive? constipated?) isn't working, and, quite frankly, no one - man, woman, or one who dresses as such - should be wearing a fur vest poolside. It's terribly gauche.

The worst part about the whole thing is the poor dog (why hasn't PETA already started picketing for the poor thing?) who looks so supremely disgusted at the fact that he has to sit that close to her cavernous, man eating vagina. The look on his face clearly says "Bitch, please."It's a wonder her twat didn't burst free from her shorts (bikini bottom? hot pants?) and eat the dog whole. You know your life is sad when even Tinkerbell is grossed out by you.

Well done, Guess, well done. I'll be shopping at Bebe this season for my overpriced, tacky beach wear.