You Bring Out The Breast In Me

I've never had any of the side effects - good or bad - that a lot of women get while on birth control. No psychotic mood swings (at least any more than usual), no obvious weight gain, no weird sensitivity issues, and, perhaps saddest of all, no boob growth. Until now.

I've been on the same pill since June now, and initially had no side effects; but when they slightly changed the chemical makeup of the pill in October, I put on an un-losable 5 pounds, and then - by the grace of the God I don't particularly believe in - I got boobs. In a stunning miracle, I went from having the chest of an 11 year-old boy, to having the chest of an 11 year-old girl. The middle school boys are going to love me. 

Dramatic Reenactment

For the first time in my sad, waifish life, I can fill out my A cups. Gone are the days of a guy reaching for a grab only to realize that my bra cup sinks inward! Gone are the days of having to use chicken cutlets for even a hint of cleavage! Gone are the days of padded bras! And while they really hurt, and feel like someone's been driving an 18-wheeler over them constantly, I'm so proud of my girls. Now that I can actually see them.